


I don't want to be without you anymore

by iwasnthere



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Break Up, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Liam is an angel, M/M, Sad, but it gets okay in the end, literally it's just the two of them, zayn cries a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 04:39:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8042902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwasnthere/pseuds/iwasnthere
Summary: They broke up. He's broken.





	I don't want to be without you anymore

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write something sad but it ended up having a happy ending anyway. Once again, not that big of a writer, I do it only when I'm inspired. Sorry if it's bad. :)
> 
> I don't own one direction or zayn malik. Even though I want to. lol purely fictional, and all that.

Zayn runs his fingers through the photograph. Tracing the face of a boy that once used to be his world. Still is, no matter how much he lies to himself. He sighs and puts the photo down. This isn't healthy. It's been _months_ since they broke up; and yet, he still feels all the pain from that day. It seemed like the logical thing to do. To leave before he's the one left. Before he realizes that he deserves so much better than just Zayn. Decided to make it about how he wants to focus on themselves instead of his fear. Tried to make excuses, "it's not you it's me" was thrown in the break up. He wanted to see him mad, wanted to see him hate Zayn.  

But no, what Zayn got was a watery smile. Zayn was given the chance to feel soft lips against his forehead, and the choked, "Sorry, I hope you'll be happy. Thank you for everything". All the things he didn't deserve. 

Zayn wanted him back. _God_ , four months without him felt like dying. Felt like pure and utter torture to be without him; now that he knows what it feels to live with him, being without him felt galaxies emptier, lonelier. How many times had he tried to pick up the phone and dial a number he's memorized for years and is yet to forget. But fear always took over after the first ring. How many times did he want to run to his dorm and beg him to take Zayn back, only to let thoughts of insecurity scare him, telling him that he deserves better.

The truth was, Zayn still sees Liam everywhere. In good days, he'd think about Liam, and how big he would've smiled seeing the dogs play in the park. When something funny happens, he can't help but think "Liam would have found that so funny". His bad days are the worst because it gives him a reminder that this time, there isn't someone who'd cuddle him to sleep. Cooking him his favorite meals just to lift his spirits. His bad days are a constant reminder that no matter how good another day will be, it'll still be another day without him. 

Zayn still sees him in campus, he seems okay. And I guess that's what hurts the most. Zayn knows he shouldn't feel betrayed at Liam for moving on just because he can't. It was Zayn who broke it off in the first place.  

He looks at his watch and realizes he's been crying while looking at their old pictures for two hours now. He had to leave his apartment for a while. Needed to take a walk. He sighs and gets up from his bed, grabs his jacket along with his phone and wallet and leaves.

Walking alone around campus may be boring to others but to Zayn it was one of his favorite things. Especially now, particularly autumn, he loves it. He met Liam in days like these. He was lost in thought that he bumped in to someone who was too busy playing that Pokemon Go app. The addiction towards the app eventually faded, but the feelings he had for the boy never has. 

Too deep in the memory of his greatest days, Zayn bumped in to someone again. Call it fate, _destiny_ , whatever it is, when he looked up, it was the same guy he's been moping over for the past four months.

"Sorry" he hears Liam say, and Zayn wanted to cry. He missed that voice _so much_. He just stared at Liam who smiles at him, "how've you been?"

All holding back thrown out the window Zayn throws himself to Liam, engulfing the younger boy and hiding in the crook of his neck, trying to control himself because it feels like he could break if he so much speaks. Liam's surprised gasp echoes in his ear but Zayn held on tighter. He can't let go, he'll apologize and be embarrassed about this break down later but right now, he just needs to hold Liam. And he cries. He's been crying for so long but this time he isn't holding back. He sobs so hard, face still hidden in Liam's neck. 

The younger boy slowly slides his arms around Zayn's waist, squeezing a bit. "Hey, it's alright. Just let it out, Zayn." He says softly, rubbing Zayn's back in the process. And they stay like that for a while. Liam hugging Zayn and Zayn crying recklessly against Liam.

After he thinks he's pulled himself together, he slowly pulls away from Liam. "Sorry, I -- just, sorry." Zayn chokes out, tears springing in his eyes again and the lump in his throat getting harder and harder to swallow. "It's fine, you want me to walk you home?" Liam inquires, concerned. Zayn nods his head, "is -- is that okay?" The other boy smiles at him sadly, "sure, mate. As long as you're okay." 

They walk to his dorm silently, the only sound was their shoes hitting the pavement and the chatters from people around the street. They both have their hands in their pockets, walking close enough to touch but never closing the gap. Zayn feels like it's miles away.

They reach his dorm when Liam speaks, "okay, you're okay now, right?" Zayn looks at him with a blank face, but nods. He used to know that Zayn isn't alright without asking.

"Okay, Zayn. I'll see you around. Take care." he says softly, grabbing Zayn's hand for a second just to give him an encouraging squeeze and walks away. Zayn turns to his door, unlocking it and getting inside. He leans against the door for a ten seconds only to be scrambling it open to run after Liam. 

"Liam! _Liam! Wait!_ " Zayn chokes out, tears running down his cheeks as he takes two stair steps at a time to catch up to him. Liam turns around confused and stops to let Zayn catch up. This time, he looks a bit annoyed, "Zayn, if you have anything to say just say it, mate. It's still me." Liam says firmly but there's a hint of resentment there. Zayn swallows, "I --", Liam looks at him. "I'm sorry." Zayn starts, "I lied" he chokes, "I never wanted to break up, but I don't know how to say it in words that won't make me look stupid." he takes a deep breath, "I was scared that you'd leave me. Scared that you'd realize that you deserve more. More than what I can give." Liam looks at him with an unreadable expression, well, it's too late to stop now, "So I left before you'd leave me. I let my fears take over and I let it make my decisions and it was the _worst_ , Li." Zayn sobs as the other boy crosses his arms, still listening, "it was the worst being without you. These four months have been _hell_ , Liam. I don't even know when was the last time I didn't cry myself to sleep. And it's my fault" he cries, furiously wiping away the tears from his cheeks but they can't stop. "Is it too late to beg for you to take me back? I was stupid. I was foolish. I've done so many mistakes in my life, Liam but letting you go was probably the worst, I -- please take me back. Please. I can't be without you. _I don't want to be without you_ , please." he sobs out, tries to control his breathing but he can't so he looks down and just cries. He can't look at Liam, can't bear to see Liam say no. It would break him irreparably.  

He hears a soft sigh. And then he feels arms wrapping around his waist and his head being pulled to this warm chest he hasn't felt for what feels like forever. God.  

"Shhh, now, it's okay" Liam coos and rubs his back. "Hey, look at me," Zayn shakes his head, but two fingers lift his chin up to make him see tear filled brown eyes he has missed so much. "We'll figure it out, yeah?" Liam says, exhaustion in his voice, as if he's been the one crying. A kiss is placed on Zayn's temple, "we'll figure it out." And Zayn takes that as hope.

\--- 

Zayn wakes up to the sound of someone cooking in the kitchen. His head is pounding so much and his eyes hurt like hell. It's a normal feeling, he's cried himself to sleep before, he knows how it feels. He gets up from the bed and heads to the bathroom. He takes a piss and brushes his teeth. When he looks in the mirror, he looks just as he feels. Nothing new. He heads to the kitchen. 

The first thing that gets him is the smell of fried chicken. He remembers a conversation not too long ago, 

_"chicken isn't breakfast food, Zayn"_ _"dont judge me, babe. chicken is life."_  

"Good morning" Liam calls from the stove, Zayn is pulled back from his thoughts. "Hey, you're still here?" Zayn squeaked. Liam nods, turns the stove off, places the fried chicken on a plate, and puts it on the table.

"Sit" he says as he points to the chair across him. Zayn does what he's told.

"I missed you" Liam starts, "I was very shattered when you decided to break up -- No, let me speak." Liam says when he sees Zayn about to interrupt. "But I get it now, and I'm sorry." Shocking Zayn but he stays quiet. "I should've reassured you more that I didn't want anyone else but you." Liam sighs, "you always told me jokingly how you needed assurance and I thought lightly of it. And I know you've done some stupid things, but I have too, Zayn." he smiles at him wetly. "Next time, talk to me about it, okay? Will you give me the choice this time?"

Zayn chokes, "next -- this time?" he asks because he needs to know for sure, is he -- Is Liam saying what he thinks he is? Liam rolls his eyes fondly, "yes, Zayn. I want us again too." Zayn gets up from his seat and runs to Liam, immediately straddling him and hugging him. "Thank you, thank you, -- I, just, tha" a hand covers his mouth, stopping him from another thank you. "Don't thank me. We'll be stronger this time, yeah? And anytime you need me to remind you, I will." Liam says quietly, "I love you" he adds, and Zayn laughs wetly and kisses him. _God he's missed him so much_. How did he go four months without this? "I love you too. I love you so much." he sobs and Liam chuckles rubbing his back, he nudges their noses together. "Let's eat, babe?" Zayn smiles, it's the truest smile he's let out since forever. "Okay, I love you." Liam squeezes him. "I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
